The last few months I have found myself feeling less of a pull towards photography. I’ve written about it a bit over these past several months, but throughout I have not felt worried. There are times when I’ve felt guilty for not pushing, or have felt anxiety over the idea that if I’m not constantly practicing then I won’t improve as much this year as I did last year. Perhaps these feelings are warranted. It’s definitely true that the person putting in more time in their craft will improve more than the person only haphazardly picking up their camera, but this year my song has changed. Instead of “wanting to be the best I can be” or “wanting to fully develop my voice”, both phrases I hear so often amongst our community of up and comers, and words I have said myself, I just want to fill my soul. I want to be happy, full, loving, excited, interested, honest and present and sometimes my camera is the perfect tool for focusing those desires. Sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes there are other things in my life that are more interesting to me and more fulfilling. Sometimes my camera seems like a burden. Normally I would pick it up anyway and push through because you never know when that perfect moment will come. I have always been one to promote this. Come to work no matter what, whether or not inspiration strikes. I still do believe this, but this past little bit I’ve also found the value in rest, reflection and creating what I want only when I want to. I don’t think it’s sustainable for a career, but for this season it is beautiful. It has given me the chance to reconnect with myself and my art. It has stopped the ceaseless shutter fires, grasping at the hopes of a good shot. It has allowed me to hear my voice again and follow only that. I have pretty big goals next year and some work that will have to get done whether or not I’m feeling it, but right now I am giving myself some grace and I’ve found that for me, right now, that is exactly what my creativity needs. When I am inspired to pick up my camera I feel only love, presence and fullness. I don’t worry about the results because the love makes up for what my art lacks. I am once again in the moment. I am once again creating fully.
Amanda Voelker is a fine art and lifestyle photographer. With her children and light as her inspiration, Amanda finds beauty in the everyday. She strives to capture the subtleties of human emotion and connection in a beautiful way that showcases both the moment and a piece of her self. Amanda is also the Co Creator and Editor in Chief of “The Long Way Home” Magazine and instructor at "The Bloom Forum"